My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
