the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize