Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
