She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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