He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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