Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
