brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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