it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
