just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
