We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
