Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
