I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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