so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
