There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
