hell yes lets make some ravioli
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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