You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
