Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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