Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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