Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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