I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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