he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
