it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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