Buhtt sex?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
