Christians are straight up FREAKS
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
