do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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