I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
