your thong is hanging out like whoa
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
