dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
