I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize