Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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