on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
‪I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse. ‬
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize