I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
