saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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