I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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