Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize