Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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