It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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