So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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