Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
