just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
