I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
