That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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