I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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