Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
