i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Quick, to the slutcave!
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
