I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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