hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
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