She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
