I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
