i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
