you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
