wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just gift wrapped bread.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
