Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
