I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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