perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
