dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
