Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
