we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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