I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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