areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
