Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I will be naked everywhere
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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