hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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