I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
