please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Send help, water and tortillas.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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