We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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