i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
