a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
