all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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