two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
