i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
