He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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